Like No One Is Watching

My Light

10" x 14" watercolor

Confession: When I'm at home all by myself (which is really not all that often) . . . I crank up my iPod and sing really, really loudly.

Am I any good?

No. Not really.

But is it fun?

Definitely.

Saturday morning I went running. The streets were quiet, no one was rushing to work, and there was this hazy fog that covered everything and made me feel like I was possibly the last runner in the world.

I ran past this tree with low hanging branches and I thought of something I used to do as a kid. We had this big willow tree in our front yard and I would always try to jump and touch the branches that hung down.

Okay, honestly I wasn't just trying to jump and touch them, I *hoped* that if I could just grab one of those branches I'd be able to hold onto it and swing around in that tree. Like a monkey. Or Tarzan.  

When I ran past that tree this last Saturday, and remembered what I did as a kid, I wanted to jump and reach for those branches. Just to see if I could touch them. Just to try and feel like a kid again.

But then I thought. . . What if someone's watching me? What if someone sees a grown woman jump just so she can try to touch some tree branches?? Oh, the embarassment!!

So I ran past that tree without jumping.

I only got a few steps before I realized that I was being stupid. Who cares if someone saw me? Who cares if I look like a big weirdo jumping up and down for no apparent reason?

I turned around, ran for the tree, jumped and touched the branches.  

It felt good. :)

I don't know about you, but sometimes I think I miss out on reaching my full creative potential because I'm too worried about what other people will think of me or my work. And then I miss out on all the joy that I know I can feel when I just follow my heart and paint or write what I want to, the way I want to.

And I know I miss out on opportunities to really grow creatively because I'm stifling all those wonderful possibilities out of fear. The fear of being judged and found wanting.

So from now on, no more closet iPod singing, or tree branch jumping! It's my life, and I'm going to create the way that feels right to me.

Huzzah!!

This portrait is of my oldest boy. I haven't painted a simple portrait of him for a while and I need a new one of him to go on my wall. I have it all planned out where I'm going to put three new portraits of my three sweet boys.

I know that some would say his slightly goofy smile, or the bright sunlight and strong shadows on his face is breaking some portrait rules. But I like it. It feels right to me. It shows my boys' happy personality. His pure heart shines in this.

And really, that's all that matters. :)

Have a great day everyone!