Finding Dreams

Finding Dreams

15" x 20" watercolor, The Work of Childhood Series #1

This is the first in a new series of paintings I'm going to be working on called, The Work of Childhood. I want to focus on all the things kids do that make up their life, when they're finding out what and who they want to be. Things that might seem of little importance, but really they're not. Those small things that are really big things. 

Do you remember when you were a kid and you had these great fantasies about what you would do or be when you grew up?  How it seemed impossible to not achieve everything you were drearming about?

I do.

I don't know about you, but my 'dream career' changed a LOT when I was a kid. I wanted to be a marine biologist, a horse trainer, a writer, an animator for Disney, an artist (of course), an equestrian in the 2000 Summer Olympics, and a lawyer.

Don't ask me how that last one slipped in there because I'm still not sure. I think it may have had something to do with my desire to win an argument with my older sister. (totally kidding) Love you sis!!! :):)

Now I get to see my kids have their own dreams and hopes for their future. And while some of them may seem a little fanciful (really? because an olympic equestrian was totally realistic right?) I will never say to them choose something else, or anything that might come across as unsupportive or doubting in any way.

Because I don't think those dreams you make in childhood ever really go away. You change them as you grow up but you always remeber how fiercely you felt about every single one of them. And how hard you may have fought for it. Those dreams make you into the kind of person you grow up to be.

Dreams are a fragile thing, and who am I to be the one crushing them before they've even had a chance to grow yet? My oldest son loves archery. He's passionate about it, he studies all the different kinds of bows, arrows, targets, sights, and everything else that goes with it.

I loved seeing that. Seeing him so interested in something that it occupied every thought he had. Sometimes I'd check on him at night after he went to bed and he'd still be awake, reading archery magazines by flashlight. It reminded me of some other kid I used to know who did the same thing with horse magazines and art supply catalogues. :)

What about you guys? What did you want to be when you grew up?

Happy Mother's Day, and the reason

'You are the trip I did not take

You are the pearls I cannot buy,

 You are my blue Italian lake,

You are my piece of foreign sky.'

 — Anne Campbell

Me and my boys, on this day for mothers. :)

I wasn't going to do a post for Mother's Day, I was going to stick to my once a week schedule because I didn't have anything new to post and I know that if you follow my blog you've seen these paintings PLENTY of times, but I changed my mind.

I didn't think it would be right to let this day pass without paying tribute to the three sweet reasons why I paint. If I had not become a mother I don't think I ever would have had an interest in painting portraits. I, like most parents, had the strongest desire to remember my children in every stage of their life, to acurately and tenderly capture them. I  just choose to do it in paint.

They say that if you want to do your best work, you should paint the things you love. And I love nothing as much as I love these three. *

They are my reason. My three little muses. There really wouldn't be a Crystal Cook Art blog without them. :)

Happy Mother's Day to all you mother's out there, past, present and future. I hope you had a good one.  

*and handsome hubby of course.

Ten Things I've Learned From Painting A Self Portrait

'A-Punk, self portrait'

8" x 10" watercolor

1. You're not as bad looking as you thought you were.

2. It's nearly impossible to pose for your own self portrait with anything other than a big smile, a goofy expression, or something else that you hope looks introspective and mysterious, but is neither because really it's just you raising your head a little too much so you can see through your crooked glasses.

3. While strong sunlight from the side, is your favorite way to paint portraits of other people, on you it is just plain un-flattering. 

4. It's somewhat unsettling to look at yourself for so long. To really see all the good and bad parts of your face that are you. (I kind of feel like it's been ages since I actually looked at myself)

5. Just in case you ever start to take yourself too seriously, just paint another self portrait. That'll humble you.  It's HARD. :) 

6. Your hair looks good. Wild, but good.

7. A portrait, of anyone (including you), is about likeness it's true, but it's even more about expression. And truth. Who is this person really? It's your goal, as a portrait artist, to find that out and paint it.

8. You are now COMPLETELY sympathetic with all those people you have asked, or will ask to model for you. Poor unsuspecting souls.

9. You probably need to paint another one of these, with that strong un-flattering sunlight. Just for fun. You know how much you love sunlight!

10. You can never have too highly developed drawing skills. They are a MUST for a self portrait.

So, I decided that it was finally time I jumped in and tried a painting challenge from the Daily Paintworks site. I'd been thinking about doing a self portrait for a while and figured now was as good a time as any. I think you all should do one too. :):):)

What I'm listening to: A-Punk by Vampire Weekend

Colored Pencil Work in Progress (or the most boring title for a blog post ever)

untitled colored pencil work in progress 8" x 10"

Prismacolor on bristol

I've been working on and off on this colored pencil piece since July of last year. Why has it taken me so long you ask? Because I am very impatient and sometimes I just get frustrated with how long colored pencil takes me.

I look at how much work I've gotten done in the last hour and realize that I could have accomplished the same thing with my watercolors and a hair dryer in about ten minutes. Which then makes me put this colored pencil piece away and go work on my speedier watercolors.

But still, there's something about colored pencils that appeals to me. A lot. I don't know if it's because it's more similar to drawing, one of my major loves in my art life. Or if it's because looking at a box of colored pencils with hundreds of color choices feels like the best grown up 'coloring' experience ever.

Probably both, but maybe a little more with that last one. I still look for excuses to color with my kids in their coloring books. So fun. :)

So, now that I've played around with acrylics and colored pencil I think I'm ready to get back at home with my watercolors. I kinda miss them. I have a couple of paintings that I'm REALLY excited about that I can't wait to get started on. I think that's one of the best thing about the whole painting process. The anticipation of getting started on your next great project. Don't you think?

See you next week everybody!

Huzzah!

One Year Old. . . And Fear, my Arch Nemesis

"One Year Old'

10" x 10" acrylic on canvas

Here's my sweet middle child again when he was just a year old. I've been diving through older photos lately, searching for fresh material to paint and came across this one. I just can't get over those full cheeks and that awe struck expression. It brought back so many memories of when he was this age and how it felt to hold him warm and cuddly on my lap, his head resting against my shoulder and chubby arms wrapped around my neck. One of the best times of my life. :)

And this portrait was so much fun. Switching from my preferred medium to something else is one sure fire way to beat artist's block for me. Painting with acrylics is a totally different experience than painting with watercolors. It feels more therapeutic to me right now, the buttery feeling of the paint on the canvas is just awesome.

Fear.

Oh, how I loathe thee.

You sneak up on me when I least expect it.

A spider cutting across the floor right after I've mopped it. You're cruel too, see?

Using all that sneakiness and cruelty, made me a little bit blind to your tricks. I'm not ashamed to admit that it took me longer this time to see you for what you really are.

You were the reason I had a nasty case of artist's block.

You were the whisper in my ear every time I sat down to paint. Telling me that I couldn't do it. That I would only fail, again.

"Why even bother?" you said. "It won't be what you expect it to be. You can't do it. You will fail."

I believed you.

Until one day, I had this thought. Who cares?

So what if I fail. Isn't that part of the game anyway? Failure is to be expected, planned for, maybe even praised. Failure has come to be my greatest teacher. Not the cool, fun teacher who lets you watch movies and turn in your homework late, but the teacher who actually helps you LEARN something.

 Failure is nothing to be afraid of Nemesis. Failure is my friend. :)

But Fear? Well, you're just an annoyance. A stumbling block. I'm done with you.

Take that!

Come back later with your super villain costume on and I just might take you seriously.

But, propably not. :)

Huzzah!!!!!!!!!

So, my good friends, tell me, how do you beat the Fear of failure?

P.S. A quick apology to all those who've sent me emails that I haven't responded to yet. It's not because I don't love and appreciate them, and it's not that I don't plan on answering them, I do. I've just fallen behind on that and I have to ask you to forgive me and be patient with me. I'm getting there, I haven't forgotten you, I promise. And if it's been a while since I've visited your blog I'm sorry about that too, I'm working on it, promise! :) Are we still friends? Pretty please? ;););) (that's me batting my eyes at you)

A Study in Black and White

"Chauncy" Giant Schnauzer

10" x 14" gouache

"There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." ~ Bern Williams

"The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."  ~Samuel Butler

I had been wanting to do a painting of our dog Chauncy for a long time. I'd done a sketch of him in this pose before, but I wanted to give it a try with paint too.

This also happened to be right in the middle of my block period, and I thought that a simple study in black and white might help me get over it.

It was a quick painting, I pretty much just left each stroke where I put it the first time (which really is what I've come to want with every painting I do lately). And I'm pretty happy with the result.

Special thanks and a hearty round of applause to all you out there who sounded off with ways to help me get through the block! You are all rock stars at the height of awesomeness. :) Thank you. :) For real. :D

I took your advice and stepped back from painting for a while. My kids were on spring break last week so I took the opportunity to play and hang out with them. This included picnics at the park, staying up late and watching movies and eating too much candy (I still maintain that there is no such thing as too much candy), going to the library and coming home with loads of good books, playing lots and lots of Wii games, and also getting my fanny kicked at laser tag.

Not by my sweet boys, heavens no. But by a pack of pre teen boys.

This has led me to believe that teenage boys with laser guns are heartless little beasts.

But I digress. . . back to beating the block: I didn't notice a real change until yesterday. My two older boys were at school and my youngest had finally went down for a nap. Huzzah!!

I sat at my desk with my colored pencils out in front of me, picked them up without procrastinating, and started to work. It was wonderful! I felt that joy again, that rush of creating something, and I knew that I was one step closer to pushing that block away.

Creativity really does ebb and flo doesn't it? We just have to remind ourselves of that when we're in the middle of one of those ebb times, or be lucky enough to be reminded of it by our fellow artists who are right there with us in the trenches of Making Art and Being Creative.

:)

See you next week everyone!

My Middle Child, and Artist's Block

My Middle Child

10" x 14"

My sweet boy. My middle child.

 As different as my children are from one another they all have one thing in common, gigantically pure hearts. But of the three, this boy, has something else too. He has such a huge light inside that he's always, always willing to share with others. He has an almost infinite capacity to love and accept others, even those who are different. Sometimes drastically so.

And, he's always SO happy. Even when he's in trouble .

Which reminds me of something else that he has. An almost infinite capacity for mischief. Maybe that's to help balance out all that pure, tenderhearted sweetness.

I have to confess that during my two months away from the computer I did not do as much painting as I usually do. At first I told myself I was taking a well deserved break, that I'd get right back to painting later that night, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day.

But I didn't.

Staying away from painting slowly became a habit. One that I'm still working to break.

This painting was a struggle. And I can't really say why, it's a simple, straightforward pose, with beautiful lighting featuring one of my three favorite subjects.

*shrug*

I don't get it.

Ok, that's not entirely true. I know that it has something to do (probably a lot more than something) with my lack of painting time. My brushes started to feel like foreign objects in my hand, not the well known companions they had come to be.

 And even when I did make myself sit down and paint I found myself just sitting there. Staring off into space, cleaning my palette, organizing my brushes, anything but painting. 

It was frustrating. Still is.

When my computer crashed I was teetering on the edge of something that I'm not sure what to call. I was feeling massively burned out and exhausted with painting. It had become a chore, not a passion. And I hated that.

But lately, I'm starting to feel differently. I set the watercolors and paintbrushes aside and pulled out my colored pencils (which for some reason always seem to make me feel better). I'm working on a piece that I've set aside for months, and so far so good.

I'll let you know how it goes. Don't you be worried about me. I'm not giving up. I know this will pass because I ain't no quitter. 

Ever felt like this before? What do you to break through the block?

I'm Back!

Hello?

You guys still remember me?

I'm back!

After some very annoying computer problems (which are all fixed now) I am finally back to blogging! And let me tell you that I am feeling a little rusty. Writing a blog post, like anything else I guess, is really a lot harder when you haven't done it for nearly two months than when you're churning out a post a couple times a week.

So, forgive any incoherence or rambling thoughts in this post. I'm still getting my blogging legs back.

I've missed you guys. And thank you so much for every single one of your kind and friendly emails wondering where in the world I'd gone. You guys are so great!

watercolor work in progress 10" x 14"

Here's one of several works in progress I've been working on lately. It's a portrait of my sweet little mare that I've had since I was seventeen who is now retired and living at my parent's house. This painting is further ahead right now than what this photo shows, but I really like this stage.

 I've always been drawn to sketches and halfway finished works. They seem to have a little more personality sometimes than perfectly finished pieces. And there's just something about this stage in this particular piece that really 'speaks' to me. I'm not sure why. It just does.

I'm going to be posting just once a week from now on. My two months of forced unpluggage convinced me that less computer time is a pretty good thing.

 I played more games with my boys. And overall just spent a lot of time having fun with them.

I organized certain areas of my house that I had SERIOUSLY been neglecting (cleaner, tidier bookshelves with extra space?! Now I can go buy more books! Sssh, don't tell my husband that that was my real motivation ok?)

Read a lot of books that I had been dying to get my hands on. Huzzah!!!

Spent time with the people in my life who matter more to me than anything else. Date nights, lunch with my mom and sister, you get the picture.

Started taking photos of small and simple things that happen in my every day life. (Look for these in future posts) 

Sketched just for the fun of it, not as a training exercise.

Thought about writing and illustrating a children's book just for my boys.

In other words, I slowed down. I took time to enjoy the little things in my life that I had been taking for granted. And I loved it. Slowing down is a good thing. Sometimes we (and I mean 'me' here) get too caught up in where we want to be instead of where we are right now.

And I love my life right now too much to just sit still and watch it pass me by. Living my life is the only place I want to be.

In other news, I sold a painting internationally for the first time ever ('Emerge')! And my painting 'Here Be Dragons' won 1st place from an artist/juror that I've admired for years, Linda Stevens Moyer. :) How cool is that?

And speaking of cool. . . Check this out!

Dude!

That's me breaking a board!

Hi - yah!

My boys started taking Tae Kwon Do last year and after watching their Master instructor demonstrate some AMAZING moves I knew I had to give it a try.

It is awesome and FUN!

Huzzah!!

So. . . that's what's been going on with me. Now I want to hear all about you. What's new with you guys? :)

See you next week everyone!

Like No One Is Watching

My Light

10" x 14" watercolor

Confession: When I'm at home all by myself (which is really not all that often) . . . I crank up my iPod and sing really, really loudly.

Am I any good?

No. Not really.

But is it fun?

Definitely.

Saturday morning I went running. The streets were quiet, no one was rushing to work, and there was this hazy fog that covered everything and made me feel like I was possibly the last runner in the world.

I ran past this tree with low hanging branches and I thought of something I used to do as a kid. We had this big willow tree in our front yard and I would always try to jump and touch the branches that hung down.

Okay, honestly I wasn't just trying to jump and touch them, I *hoped* that if I could just grab one of those branches I'd be able to hold onto it and swing around in that tree. Like a monkey. Or Tarzan.  

When I ran past that tree this last Saturday, and remembered what I did as a kid, I wanted to jump and reach for those branches. Just to see if I could touch them. Just to try and feel like a kid again.

But then I thought. . . What if someone's watching me? What if someone sees a grown woman jump just so she can try to touch some tree branches?? Oh, the embarassment!!

So I ran past that tree without jumping.

I only got a few steps before I realized that I was being stupid. Who cares if someone saw me? Who cares if I look like a big weirdo jumping up and down for no apparent reason?

I turned around, ran for the tree, jumped and touched the branches.  

It felt good. :)

I don't know about you, but sometimes I think I miss out on reaching my full creative potential because I'm too worried about what other people will think of me or my work. And then I miss out on all the joy that I know I can feel when I just follow my heart and paint or write what I want to, the way I want to.

And I know I miss out on opportunities to really grow creatively because I'm stifling all those wonderful possibilities out of fear. The fear of being judged and found wanting.

So from now on, no more closet iPod singing, or tree branch jumping! It's my life, and I'm going to create the way that feels right to me.

Huzzah!!

This portrait is of my oldest boy. I haven't painted a simple portrait of him for a while and I need a new one of him to go on my wall. I have it all planned out where I'm going to put three new portraits of my three sweet boys.

I know that some would say his slightly goofy smile, or the bright sunlight and strong shadows on his face is breaking some portrait rules. But I like it. It feels right to me. It shows my boys' happy personality. His pure heart shines in this.

And really, that's all that matters. :)

Have a great day everyone!

Sketchbook Saturday and Link Love

I've been neglecting my sketchbook lately. I've kept with my goal to draw from life once a week (this week it was my dog's bone, last week the guy speaking in church), but haven't been doing much else, so I thought it was time to dive in and sharpen up my skills a little.

This sketch is of my middle child from a photo I took about two years ago. I really love to look through older pictures of my kids and see how much they've grown. But then it makes me sad to see that they've left certain stages behind and the only thing I have to remind me of that time is a photo and a memory that grows fainter every day.

But then when I draw or paint them I feel all those same emotions again and the memory is a little more fresh in my mind. I love that. :) That's one of the main reasons I paint, to celebrate my beautiful life with my family. Especially when I'm experiencing one of those not so beautiful moments. Like trying to get permanent marker off the wall.

Don't even ask. Seriously.

This week I have some really awesome links to share with you guys. Some beautiful, inspiring work and some great posts too.

Dave Malan posted this amazing sketch of his daughter and this was actually what inspired me to sketch my son this morning. All of his work is incredible, prepare to spend some time at his site. Wowee!

Ali Cavanaugh is an artist that I go completely fan girl for. Her work (and her story of how she became an artist) is SO inspiring. I never fail to leave her site without being completely in awe. Double wowee.

Ann Buckner posted this amazing watercolor of an older man that I just completely love. Ann's work is always loose and fresh but also gives the feeling that a lot of thought went into the planning behind the finished work.

Vinayak Deshmuk paints some beautiful work. I especially love his boats. There's an old-world-masterish feeling too them that I really, really like.

Karen Martin Sampson is a figure artist that I really admire. Her work is full of sensitivity and insanely good technical skill. I've linked to her full blog so you can look through all her posts of the current painting she's working on. I love to see her work in progress.

Enjoy! If you need inspiration I've just given you a ton of places to go and look for it. :) Next week there will be more link love! It could be you. . .

Landscape! Work in Progress

the promised landscape poll result painting

10" x 14" watercolor (detail)

Finally, here is the landscape that won the 'what should I paint next?' poll a few months ago. Still a work in progress at this point, but coming along.

I've only ever painted one other landscape and it was a big, huge, ugly disaster. So I approached this one with more than a little fear.

But, once I started painting, the fear left and I realized that it's not the subject that was scary, but the idea in my heart that I would fail. Again.

It reminded me that it doesn't really matter what your subject is, a portrait, flower, horse, or even a landscape, what matters is how you see your subject.

Harley Brown said, "I don't know the first thing about a horse's hind end, but I can draw it. A cowboy, or an artist, or anyone, can look at my drawing and say, 'That Harley really knows his horses!'

I don't know horses. I just know how to observe a horse.'"

The man is truly a genius. :)

This is what I tell myself when I'm trying to think myself out of the fear of failure at the easel:

All it takes to remove the fear when you approach your next work is your ability to observe. You are an artist! You know how to observe! You've done it millions of times.

Stop overthinking it.

Stop worrying about that barn and field and just paint what you see. It's really just a rectangle and some abstract shapes.

You can paint that. Because you are an ARTIST.

Now, dear friends, you must tell me. . .

Am I the only one that gives themselves motivational pep talks?

Sure hope not.

Planner or Pantser? And more work on the WIP

more work on the WIP (still untitled)

15" x 20" watercolor

Things are coming along on this painting, even if it is a little slower than I'd like.

It's funny, when I mess up on a painting I usually approach my next one with a little more. . . caution? I guess you could say. Not timidity, just approaching the painting with more of a plan in my head of what colors to use and in what order, more careful looking at shapes and placement.

Which really is a pretty good thing, because I've realized (and I seem to be forced to make this realization every couple of months) that when I think I've nailed my process and I know exactly what to do and I'm basking in my own awesomeness of painting skills (totally kidding, I never bask, sheesh how prideful would that be? ;), that's when I mess up.

I think I have it all figured out, and I'm rushing to get it finished, and then I make that fateful error that I cannot fix and the painting's ruined.

Sometimes that really sucks. I hate having to learn things the hard way, but it seems like I always get to anyways. :)

So, at this point in the painting I'm laying down the skeleton, making sure that my framework is accurate and all set for the big splashy finish. I once heard an artist say, "first make it strong, then make it pretty." I've always remembered that. Sometimes I think I'm a little too anxious to get to the pretty making part.

So far I'm using light value colors so I can still make slight adjustments to his face and proportions that are so dang important with portraits. I'm making it strong right now so that at the end I can come back and make it vivid and beautiful (hopefully, that's the goal anyway).

In other words, I've been planning. No winging it this time around.

So, fellow artists and creative types, here's my question for you: Are you a planner or a pantser (pantser= fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pantser)?

As much as I'd like to be a pantser, I'm pretty sure that I'm a planner.  

Failure, New Work in Progress, and Link Love

15 x 20 watercolor - untitled (for now)

This has been a pretty unproductive week for me as far as artwork goes. I started a painting last week that I planned on finishing Wednesday, but it just didn't work. I don't know what it was that I didn't like about it, but I just had this feeling that it was a failure.

This was Discouraging. With a capital D. 

Ah well, life goes on. There's always next time right?

So I put it aside and started in on this one of my oldest son doing his newfound favorite thing. Archery. I think there are few things as satisfying to a parent than seeing your child passionate about something and then work hard at it. 

And he is WAY excited to see the finished painting. He thinks it's going to be cool. Which makes me cool by association. I like that my kids are still young enough to think that their Mom is cool because she paints pictures of them being Robin Hood, or because I know all the words to the Despicable Me theme song, or because I say things like "chillax."

What? It's a word. . . kinda.

And while I was painting my "failure-of-the-week" I had a little company. Look at my sweet girl all settled down and behaving at my feet. (This is kind of a rare occurence, she is a pretty bouncy dog)

Meet Heart, our one year old Giant Schnauzer.

It's nice to have painting company. Especially when they stay silent while you're ranting about the giant blunder you just made on your latest work of art. 

And I thought it might be fun to post links to blogs or sites that I've seen throughout the week with work that inspired me or spoke to me in some way. So, here ya go. You'll for sure want to check these out. Trust me.

The Twirling Dragon Kim Kincaid posted an incredibly lovely sketch of a dog that I just fell in love with. It's a gorgeous and strong drawing.

Suzanne Berry posted this stunning portrait. I pretty much love everything about it, the palette, her expression, the way her dark hair contrasts with her fair skin. I could go on. It is beautiful.

Carrie Waller painted this stunning still life. SO much dramatic lighting and rich, deep colors. I could just die. It's gorgeous!

Sandra from Sandraws posted this lively and fresh sketch that is fabulous, but I also really admire Sandra's courage. Read her post, you'll see why. :)

Prabal Mallick painted this gorgeous piece that really struck me with the variety of neutral greys contrasted with those few, well chosen, bright spots of color. Beautiful!

I plan on doing this 'Link Love' type of post once a week, so I may just be featuring you next! :)

Well, I think I've rambled enough for one day, have a great weekend everyone!

UPCOMING WORK UPDATE: I know, I know I said I was done. But I forgot one thing. I promised you a landscape and a landscape you shall have! I think I'm done staring at it and wondering what the heck I'm going to do. Next week you will see the first stage!

And the horse drawing I posted on Tuesday is all set for an acrylic painting. But I may do a watercolor one too. It would be cool to see her in two different styles. Thanks so much for all your feedback!

Okay, now I'm really going.

Promise.

Beauty, a more finished version of Sketchbook Tuesday

Beauty

8" x 10" colored pencil on bristol

So, originally I had planned to just have a rough sketch of this horse. But then the more I worked on it the more I realized that it didn't really suit her. She was so elegant and refined, like an equine Audrey Hepburn, that I kind of felt like she deserved a more finished piece.

And I'm pretty sure that I used up an entire colored pencil in this process. Those big, dark shapes on her shiny coat and pretty face from the sun made this drawing go pretty quickly, even if it did wear my pencil down to a little, tiny stub.

I think I'm going to use this drawing as my reference for an acrylic painting. I'd love to experiment with some different colors in her black coat. And I think the simple shapes on her body would leave a lot of room for some nice, expressive brushwork.

What do you think? Acrylic or watercolor for this girl?

And thanks for all the blogoversary well wishes. You guys made me smile. :)