Newly Minted -SOLD

'Newly Minted' 

ACEO 2.5 x 3.5 inches

watercolor on paper 

SOLD

I've always had a soft spot for palomino horses. This horse is actually a Haflinger, and has a gorgeous golden color with an INCREDIBLE flaxen mane. I have always wanted a Haflinger horse. But I'm a tall gal (5 ' 9") so I'd have to find a taller one since they are typically small horses. But beautiful. And gentle. And sweet. I could go on, but I sense I may be losing your interest with all my adjective throwing around. ;)

Reference photo by Limit of Gold on DeviantART. 

In other news, today I finally watched Neil Gaiman's 'Make Good Art' commencement speech, and was completely blown away. It is a little long (20 minutes) but so completely worth your time. I feel so inspired and uplifted since watching it. And Mr. Gaiman is so amazingly awesome that I. . . just. . . well, you should watch it. You'll see what I'm talking about. And this does not just apply to visual artists, but writers, photographers, dancers, musicians, knitters, whatever. Here it is: 

Prisms and a pep talk

'Prisms' 

5 x 7 inches oil on masonite

$65 plus $7 US shipping, or $15 International

Revisiting my favorite glass bottles again, this time in oils. The bottle on the left is clear glass but for some reason I saw lots of purple and warm reds in the glass. I don't know what it could be reflecting, unless maybe I was wearing a pink shirt again, which is actually very likely. :) 

In other news, my son came home from school the other day dying to show me this youtube video he had seen in school. So we watched it. And watched it again. And again. It is SO awesome and inspiring. So here I am sharing it with you in case you need some motivation on a Thursday (because really Monday's aren't the only days we need it right?). 

Enjoy, a pep talk from Kid President. Huzzah!! :)

Make the time to do what you love

Detail from new 5 x 7 colored pencil piece

on Ampersand Pastelbord

Worked on this the other day while waiting for my son at his guitar lesson. In the car. :) 

Some of you seem surprised that I draw in the car. I guess it is a little strange. I'm just weird like that. ;) And something that I can NOT stand is waiting with nothing to do. I hate it. I feel like that's such a time waster. And I feel like time is such a limited resource you know? Of course you do. We live in a busy world with hectic lives.

So I'm going to tell you guys how I do it. And why. First with the how:

I work small. I prefer working small. I don't know why I just do. I'm sure one day I'll get tired of working small, but right now I'm happy where I'm at. Working small, and with just pencils, makes it very easy to take on the go. Above is what I always take when I know I'm going to be sitting in the car for at least ten minutes. An envelope of photos I want to draw, a small box of colored pencils in the colors I think I'll use, a small sketchbook (mine's 6 x 6), and my 5 x 7 work in progress (protected in a clear bag). 

 

And here it is all stacked up. Not too big right? Since I'm usually bringing my four year old's bag of things to do too I stick it in there and we are good to go. And then while littlest Cook is busy playing his Leapster, I get to draw for a few minutes. Works like a charm. 

Now to the why? Because. . . well, see the pic below. :) 

Because I, we, need to make the time to do what we love.  And if that means drawing for ten minutes at a time in the car then so be it. :) Photo courtesy of namaste cafe.

So, how do you make time to do what you love?

Tasty

'Tasty' 

5 x 7 inch watercolor on paper

$65 plus $8 US shipping, or $20 International 

I can't ever get my own dogs to model for me. The minute I get down to take a photo of them is the minute they think I've just invited them to climb into my lap. This is my niece's dog, a cute Chihuahua named Chica. She is a great little model because she's always watching my niece, not me. :) I caught her mid slurp a few summer's ago and have been wanting to paint it ever since. 

In other news, my blog post I wrote at the end of last month about what I've learned from 30 paintings in 30 days is now included in this free Art Byte at Daily Paintworks that is all about artist's blocks and how to get past them. Carol Marine, Liz Wiltzen, Brenda Ferguson, and Cathleen Rehfield also wrote about it. You can check it out right here: Collective Insight on Blocks. It is full of awesomeness. 

And last of all my computer is giving me fits again so I've not been able to comment or respond to comments hardly at all. :( I still love you guys and will be around when I can. Hope you all are having a fantastic day! 

And now I shall leave you with this most geeky photo of me posing for my article about artist blocks: 

Until tomorrow! Huzzah for computer's getting fixed speedily and for friendly artist's helping each other!!

Do Or Do Not

 work in progress 

colored pencil on Ampersand Pastelbord

5" x 7" 

My colored pencils were calling my name the other day. So I hearkened to their siren call and whipped those babies out and started on this new little piece of my son playing. 

I'm hoping that I'm not jinxing myself by posting this WIP because all the other colored pencil pieces on pastelboard I've posted as WIP's remain unfinished. But this one is very close to my heart right now, especially since my little one has been sick lately, so I'm sure I'll finish it.  I will finish this and I can't wait to show you guys. :) 

Which brings me to this: 

  

Wondering about the picture above? That's one of my favorite necklaces that I wear all the time, especially when I'm feeling like I suck at just about everything. Just putting it on makes me feel better, it's my talisman against negativity, and it gives me courage. It empowers me with positive thinking and belief in myself. 

One of my least favorite phrases ever is this, "I can't." 

People ask me how I learned to paint, how I make the time. I tell them you could do it too, if you want it bad enough. And what do they say to me?

"I can't" 

People ask me about why I run, and what the furthest distance is I've gone. I tell them 13.2 miles but if my knees would allow it I'd run 26.2. I tell them you could do it too, if you want it bad enough. And what do they say to me?

"I can't"

People tell me that they want to start selling their work, and entering shows, but they don't know how, or they think they're not good enough, or it's just too hard. They say: 

"I can't" 

Want to know what I can't do?

I can't make a perfect pie crust. 

I can't ever, ever, ever, keep up with the laundry. 

I can't organize my closets and cupboards as well as my sister in law (love you Laura!!)

I can't drive on the freeway without music that's too loud and losing my temper at least once. 

I can't go a day without chocolate. 

I know what you're thinking. "But you just said that you hate the phrase 'I can't' yet here you are going on and on about all the stuff you can't do! Hypocrite!"

Now let me tell you about my 'I can't' list. 

Why can't I do those things? 

Because I don't want to badly enough. 

It is perfectly fine to say 'I can't do' something if you simply don't care all that much about doing it in the first place. 

My mom makes the Best Pie Crust In The Whole World. And I'd be willing to arm wrestle anybody over that title. I don't need to, or want to make pie crust as good as her. Not today anyway. As long as we have clean clothes to wear I'm okay with never keeping up with the laundry. I'd rather be painting, or playing with my kids. And the last three don't really need an explanation, it's enough for me to say I don't want to badly enough. 

Some things keep us from our heart's greatest desires. Some of those are things that are out of our control, like my problematic knees. But most of them come from within us. We put limitations on ourselves, we say we can't do something before we've even made the attempt. We don't want it badly enough, because wanting something that badly would force us to make changes in our lives and get us out of our comfort zones.

The next time you start to reach for something that is just beyond your grasp and seems too hard, too impossible, tell yourself this: 

Do or do not, there is no try. 

Making the attempt = doing. 

Do, make the attempt. Believe that you can. And you will, one day. 

Happy Motivational Monday everybody! :)

You can get one of these cool necklaces too, right here. 

Tenacious - SOLD, and 10 things I've learned from 30 paintings in 30 days

'Tenacious'  SOLD

5" x 7" oil on panel

Reference photo, with thanks, by Steve Evans 

Note: You have been warned, this post is looooong. :) I won't be offended if you skip it if it doesn't interest you. Well. . . maybe a little, but I'll get over it I promise! ;)

Well it's nearly over. 30 paintings in 30 days. When I started out on this challenge I knew it would be, well, um. . . a 'challenge.' :) For two years in a row I did NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month, where you write an entire 50,000 word novel in 30 days). So I knew that any kind of creative commitment that involves producing work every single day is tough.


In fact, since the last NaNo I did (2011), I haven't written consistently since. Why? Because I got severely burned out. It is wicked hard to maintain serious creative energy without a break for that length of time and maintain your passion for creating at the same time.

But I feel more passionate about painting than I ever have about writing. Painting is woven into every single piece of who I am, while writing is just for fun, a 'hobby', not a life sustaining endeavor (which is what painting is to me, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe if I go too long without painting). With my passion for painting so strong I hoped I wouldn't feel burned out by doing this 30x30 challenge.

But I was wrong. I did feel burn out at times. But I didn't let it stop me from painting, I didn't let it kill that passion that I have for creating art. Because I need to paint, and so I have always found a way to work around whatever road block is in my way so that I can.

So, here are ten things that 30 paintings in 30 days has taught me:

1. Don't ever run out of chocolate. Seriously. Keep a secret stash somewhere or something. Trust me, you'll need it in those moments when the last three paintings you've attempted have resulted in nothing but a big pile of suckage reminiscent of the world's largest dung heap.

2. Don't expect every single painting to be a masterpiece. This was a hard one for me, and something that a few of my good online painting buddies had to knock into my head a few times (you know who you are, ahem, Carrie, Sandra, Teresa, and Bren. Really all of you. All of you helped pull me out of my self pity mire). It is highly unrealistic, and stressful, to think that every single thing you produce needs to be a huge success. And to stand before a blank piece of paper or panel with that thought at the front of your mind is just setting yourself up for disaster.

3. Don't think you have to paint like anyone other than yourself.  In order to produce a finished painting every day I sometimes thought that I needed to paint like someone else, so I could paint faster, not like my detail oriented, accuracy driven self. And so some of the work I produced this month didn't satisfy me completely. It took me a while to realize that this is what was bothering me when I started to feel burned out, but when I finally did I embraced the fact that I should only ever paint like myself, detailitis and all. Because painting any other way, forcing myself to be 'loose' when it doesn't come naturally to me at all, is being dishonest. And I believe that in order to paint with feeling and emotion you have to be completely honest with yourself first.

4. Everyone needs a dragon day. In the middle of my burned out period this month I started sculpting little dragons out of clay, just for fun. I did this on Sundays, which is my permanent day off from painting (30 x 30 challenge or not I still wasn't planning to paint on Sunday). When I was talking to my sister about how I was feeling so uninspired about painting, but so excited about making cute little dragons she started calling Sundays my 'dragon day.' And I liked that idea so much that I now call Sundays my dragon day, whether I'm sculpting a little dragon, or putting together a photo album, or baking a new yummy treat. A dragon day is a day where you refill your creative well, it's a day to do anything creative that you want, just for fun, with no expectations that anything will come of it other than the joy you get from the act of creating. 

5. Don't try to paint a portrait (or any other difficult, complex subject) every single day for 30 days. Just don't. Trust me on this. Portraits are my favorite thing to paint, but they are also very draining for me. I feel like I put more of myself into one of my portraits than I do any other subject, so to paint them for 30 days straight would leave me nothing but a blibbering idiot by the end of the month.

6. Don't doubt yourself. Love thyself fellow artist! Repeat after me: You is kind. You is smart. You is important. And you is a good artist. Don't ever forget it.

7. Streamline your housework and meal planning. Or whatever other work you do. Now is not the time to volunteer to bake your son's class personalized cupcakes with each child's name iced in calligraphy. Now is not the time to deep clean your basement and closets. Now is the time to do the basics of housework and cook reliable, family favorite meals.

8. Keep yourself surrounded with things that inspire you. Visit other artist's blogs and websites that leave you breathless with their beautiful work! Read books or magazine articles, or listen to podcasts (like this one) that talk about the life of an artist, their thought process, and what they do to stay inspired. Pin an inspiring quote, favorite photos that you want to paint, or pictures of paintings you love above your workspace to motivate you. Keep a journal of the things you see in your daily life that make you pause and see how beautiful your life really is. In other words, enjoy the journey that is your life.

9. Forgive yourself. So you didn't do 30 paintings in 30 days, you only did 17. So what?? You tried, you painted your heart out, and you accomplished great things anyway. If you need further reassurance go back and read #6 of this list.

10.  Recognize that this challenge is more about the journey than the destination. Trite perhaps, but so true. It's not a race, there's no need to compare yourself to anyone else. This challenge is about you and your art and what it means to you and no one else. It's not about the end result, it's about the process of painting and the joy it brings you.

Tempest

'Tempest'

8" x 10" watercolor on watercolor board

click here to bid

Lately I've been feeling just on the verge of an artistic block (don't even get me started on my writer's block which I've been suffering from for the last ten months. Argh. Double argh.). Which always makes me anxious. I don't know what's worse the actual artistic block, or the fear of an approaching block.

So, with the help of my Facebook buddies and the DPW weekly challenge (paint a sky), I decided to do something totally different that I've been wanting to do for a long time. A drippy, wet into wet, watercolor sky painting. And I did this with no drawing which is a first for me. :) I get a little panicky if I don't have an exact plan mapped out ahead of time. Which is great for accuracy, but at times feels a little stifling.

I'm really happy with how this painting turned out, and I feel so excited to paint again. I think I want to paint lots more skies from now on. It was so much fun.

Now my faithful blog family, what do you do when you start to feel blocked? Any advice?

Thanks for stopping by everyvbody, I hope you are all having a rockin' good Monday. :)

Hugs,

Crystal

listening to: Passion Pit 
watching: BBC's Sherlock (which is AWESOME)
reading: The Carrier of the Mark
snacking on: mini peppermint patties

Always Striving - sold

'Always Striving' - Lauralee

6" x 6" watercolor - sold

When I first started painting portraits a lot of my painting time was spent thinking. What colors to use, how much water should be on the paper and on my brush, what shape did I see, etc. etc.

It was exhausting. Painting then wasn't really a stress reliever, but a stress inducer. Now painting a portrait is very stress relieving, because I don't have to think as much. I've painted faces so many times that it seems almost instinctual for me. Sometimes I think that if I closed my eyes my hand would still know where to place my brush.

Or maybe it's just that I've stopped noticing how hard I'm actually thinking while I'm painting. I've grown accustomed to it, it's just part of the process. 

Maybe it's like learning to drive a car that way. In the beginning all you can think about is all the rules you need to follow and all the steps it takes to actually make the car go: turn key in ignition, check rear view mirror, put car in reverse, don't hit the car behind you, check rear view mirror, place hands at ten and two on the steering wheel, step on the gas just a little, check rear view mirror, don't hit the car behind you, step on the gas, DON'T HIT THE CAR BEHIND YOU, etc. etc.

Stress inducing right? 

Once you learn how to drive it's actually kind of pleasant to go for a ride in the car, driving around the borders of glassy lakes and fields of green grass full of fat and glossy animals. You are so used to following the rules that you've stopped having to think about it so much and you can just sit back and enjoy the ride.

But sometimes we feel so safe in our routines that we stop reaching, striving, growing. We're comfortable where we're at and trying something new, learning a new set of rules to follow, sounds about as fun as a double root canal with no anesthetic.

But still. . . that feeling of stepping outside of what's comfortable is exactly what we need sometimes. Striving for new levels of growth is the only thing that will compel us to create our finest work.

 It's in us, just waiting to be let out, but we won't be alert to what it is, won't be able to hear its whisper if we've stopped worrying about hitting the car behind us.

Huzzah!!

Felt like it was about time for another Motivational Monday post, albeit on a Thursday. :)

From Within SOLD

From Within

6" x 6" watercolor SOLD

This is my friend Taylor. I loved the lighting in this painting. I loved how it emphasized Taylor's personality, how she has so much light and kindness from within that radiates out to others when she smiles. She's awesome and I loved painting her. :)) Thanks for volunteering to model for me!

It's nearly time for spring break around here (next week), and kiddos are running around my house more frequently since it's early out day every day this week at school. Painting time is precious and harder to find, and that's completely okay. I love having my boys home more.

But it does force me to make the most out of the time I do have. Here's a photo of what I did yesterday while waiting in the car to pick my boys up from school.

A new little colored pencil piece on Ampersand Pastelbord. I'm pretty happy with how it's coming along. I'll get a better shot of it for my next post so you can see it a little more clearly.

This brings me to two things I want to say today:

1. Make time to do what you love. The time is there, it might not be the 'ideal' time, but you can make it work if it's something that you LOVE doing.

And 2. Paint what you love, or what excites you. Don't let yourself think that there's only one subject, one way that you can paint. That's part of what makes us artists,  our constant striving, and reaching, and trying new things to stretch creatively and create work that moves people and makes them feel something, that makes us feel something. There are no absolutes in the life of an artist.

And in a totally unrelated note, I went and watched The Hunger Games movie and was completely blown away. I loved the books and the movie was the best book to movie adaptation I've ever seen. I'm more of a book person than a movie person, but this is a must see. Seriously. It's inspiring a new portrait (not a character from the movie, but the result of the feelings I had while watching it) that I am dying to get to work on. Here's a link to the best review, by my favorite author Maggie Stiefvater, that puts my exact feelings for this movie into words that I couldn't.

Have a great week everyone. See you Tuesday. :)) Huzzah!

Five Reasons Why I LOVE Watercolors

Bella SOLD private commission

8" x 10" watercolor

 This girl had such a sweet face, she was a lot of fun to paint. I love her big brown eyes. She reminds me of a cocker spaniel my family had when I was growing up. The sweetest dogs ever. :) 

I hurt my back while I was at the gym the other day (the price I paid for doing 60 round house kicks in 30 seconds without warming up before. D-oh!) and my amazing husband and sweet kids have been taking such good care of me. So, for the first time in a long time, I've had time to just sit and think. And of course my mind turned to art. 

I realized that I've never really talked about why I love watercolors so much. So, here's my list. Let's hope it's coherent. :) 

1. They are beautiful. Watercolors have a free spirited kind of beauty that is unlike any other art medium. They have a mind of their own, and you gotta respect an inanimate object with free will.

2. They're challenging. What can I say? I like a little bit of a challenge. I love that every time I sit down to paint there's a physical challenge (the race to paint that section of paper before it dries and turns into a complete disaster instead of a thing of beauty is a bit exhilarating, and addictive.) and a mental challenge (I wonder what would happen if I layer this color on top of that color??).

3.  They're diverse. There is NOT only one, traditional, correct way to paint with them. Contrary to what is sometimes believed there is not only one, correct way to paint with watercolors. They don't always have to be loose and splashy. If that's your style and that's how YOU want to paint, then great. Awesome. I'm happy for you. But, that does NOT mean that it is the only way a watercolor can, or should be painted. 

One of the things I love about watercolor is it's versatility. There's no limit to what an artist can do with it. You want to paint a photorealistic still life of a mug of orange juice? Great. Do it. You want to paint a landscape plein air in five minutes flat with colorful, juicy washes running down your paper? Fabulous. Can't wait to see it. 

You want to combine a little of both for a portrait of your kitten?? AWESOME. Let the games begin. Keep your mind open to all the possibilities that are in front of you. There's nothing that says you have to paint a certain way in order to be a successful, or a happy watercolorist.

4. They are easy to clean up. I'm a mom. I clean up messes a lot. I think this one explains itself. 

And the number one reason why I love watercolors is. . . 

5. They call to my soul. Sometimes I get a new issue of a watercolor magazine and look at the great art in its pages and I'm surprised to feel tears building in my eyes when I see all the magnificent work there.  

I can't explain it. I don't really know why I'm drawn to watercolors the way that I am. But I am. I love them. I love the bright colors and the white paper. I love the feel of my wet brush gliding across the paper. I love the smell of my paints when I take the lid off of my palette.  I love watching my paintings transform right before my eyes as the paint and water dries. It's just magic.

I just love watercolors. And I always will. :)

Your turn. Why do you love your chosen medium?  

Of things with wheels, little dogs, and green slime

'Keep Up' SOLD

6" x 9" watercolor

I sometimes think that I am more like the little dog in this painting than the woman. Trying my best to keep up with my ears flapping in the wind. Well. . . maybe not the ears flapping, but you get it right?

I've been sitting here staring at the computer for nearly an hour (in between packing lunches and kissing loved ones goodbye for the day) trying to come up with something clever, motivational, or funny to write about and I just. . . got nothing.

This could be because of all the angst I felt yesterday while painting. I kept going back and forth between loving the painting I was working on and hating it. I even hid it in the closet at one point.

Oh yes, I really did.

It made me think of the Wizard Howl, from Howl's Moving Castle, who has a complete meltdown and turns himself into green slime when Sophie rearranges his potion bottles in his bathroom causing him to accidentally change his hair color.

Green Slime. That's me when I feel like the painting I'm currently working on is not working.

Having spent all my life being an artist I have yet to figure out how to not be overcome with feelings of "I am the worst artist who has ever lived. Period. The End." (or as I shall call all such times henceforth: Green Slime) whenever I paint something that is less than what I think it should be.

Even though, now, in the light of day, I know that one bad painting does not a bad artist make.

But today is a new day, a new chance to paint something extraordinary, and slam the door on any and all Green Slime-like feelings.

Huzzah!! 

Until Thursday friends. :)

Finding Dreams

Finding Dreams

15" x 20" watercolor, The Work of Childhood Series #1

This is the first in a new series of paintings I'm going to be working on called, The Work of Childhood. I want to focus on all the things kids do that make up their life, when they're finding out what and who they want to be. Things that might seem of little importance, but really they're not. Those small things that are really big things. 

Do you remember when you were a kid and you had these great fantasies about what you would do or be when you grew up?  How it seemed impossible to not achieve everything you were drearming about?

I do.

I don't know about you, but my 'dream career' changed a LOT when I was a kid. I wanted to be a marine biologist, a horse trainer, a writer, an animator for Disney, an artist (of course), an equestrian in the 2000 Summer Olympics, and a lawyer.

Don't ask me how that last one slipped in there because I'm still not sure. I think it may have had something to do with my desire to win an argument with my older sister. (totally kidding) Love you sis!!! :):)

Now I get to see my kids have their own dreams and hopes for their future. And while some of them may seem a little fanciful (really? because an olympic equestrian was totally realistic right?) I will never say to them choose something else, or anything that might come across as unsupportive or doubting in any way.

Because I don't think those dreams you make in childhood ever really go away. You change them as you grow up but you always remeber how fiercely you felt about every single one of them. And how hard you may have fought for it. Those dreams make you into the kind of person you grow up to be.

Dreams are a fragile thing, and who am I to be the one crushing them before they've even had a chance to grow yet? My oldest son loves archery. He's passionate about it, he studies all the different kinds of bows, arrows, targets, sights, and everything else that goes with it.

I loved seeing that. Seeing him so interested in something that it occupied every thought he had. Sometimes I'd check on him at night after he went to bed and he'd still be awake, reading archery magazines by flashlight. It reminded me of some other kid I used to know who did the same thing with horse magazines and art supply catalogues. :)

What about you guys? What did you want to be when you grew up?

Ten Things I've Learned From Painting A Self Portrait

'A-Punk, self portrait'

8" x 10" watercolor

1. You're not as bad looking as you thought you were.

2. It's nearly impossible to pose for your own self portrait with anything other than a big smile, a goofy expression, or something else that you hope looks introspective and mysterious, but is neither because really it's just you raising your head a little too much so you can see through your crooked glasses.

3. While strong sunlight from the side, is your favorite way to paint portraits of other people, on you it is just plain un-flattering. 

4. It's somewhat unsettling to look at yourself for so long. To really see all the good and bad parts of your face that are you. (I kind of feel like it's been ages since I actually looked at myself)

5. Just in case you ever start to take yourself too seriously, just paint another self portrait. That'll humble you.  It's HARD. :) 

6. Your hair looks good. Wild, but good.

7. A portrait, of anyone (including you), is about likeness it's true, but it's even more about expression. And truth. Who is this person really? It's your goal, as a portrait artist, to find that out and paint it.

8. You are now COMPLETELY sympathetic with all those people you have asked, or will ask to model for you. Poor unsuspecting souls.

9. You probably need to paint another one of these, with that strong un-flattering sunlight. Just for fun. You know how much you love sunlight!

10. You can never have too highly developed drawing skills. They are a MUST for a self portrait.

So, I decided that it was finally time I jumped in and tried a painting challenge from the Daily Paintworks site. I'd been thinking about doing a self portrait for a while and figured now was as good a time as any. I think you all should do one too. :):):)

What I'm listening to: A-Punk by Vampire Weekend

One Year Old. . . And Fear, my Arch Nemesis

"One Year Old'

10" x 10" acrylic on canvas

Here's my sweet middle child again when he was just a year old. I've been diving through older photos lately, searching for fresh material to paint and came across this one. I just can't get over those full cheeks and that awe struck expression. It brought back so many memories of when he was this age and how it felt to hold him warm and cuddly on my lap, his head resting against my shoulder and chubby arms wrapped around my neck. One of the best times of my life. :)

And this portrait was so much fun. Switching from my preferred medium to something else is one sure fire way to beat artist's block for me. Painting with acrylics is a totally different experience than painting with watercolors. It feels more therapeutic to me right now, the buttery feeling of the paint on the canvas is just awesome.

Fear.

Oh, how I loathe thee.

You sneak up on me when I least expect it.

A spider cutting across the floor right after I've mopped it. You're cruel too, see?

Using all that sneakiness and cruelty, made me a little bit blind to your tricks. I'm not ashamed to admit that it took me longer this time to see you for what you really are.

You were the reason I had a nasty case of artist's block.

You were the whisper in my ear every time I sat down to paint. Telling me that I couldn't do it. That I would only fail, again.

"Why even bother?" you said. "It won't be what you expect it to be. You can't do it. You will fail."

I believed you.

Until one day, I had this thought. Who cares?

So what if I fail. Isn't that part of the game anyway? Failure is to be expected, planned for, maybe even praised. Failure has come to be my greatest teacher. Not the cool, fun teacher who lets you watch movies and turn in your homework late, but the teacher who actually helps you LEARN something.

 Failure is nothing to be afraid of Nemesis. Failure is my friend. :)

But Fear? Well, you're just an annoyance. A stumbling block. I'm done with you.

Take that!

Come back later with your super villain costume on and I just might take you seriously.

But, propably not. :)

Huzzah!!!!!!!!!

So, my good friends, tell me, how do you beat the Fear of failure?

P.S. A quick apology to all those who've sent me emails that I haven't responded to yet. It's not because I don't love and appreciate them, and it's not that I don't plan on answering them, I do. I've just fallen behind on that and I have to ask you to forgive me and be patient with me. I'm getting there, I haven't forgotten you, I promise. And if it's been a while since I've visited your blog I'm sorry about that too, I'm working on it, promise! :) Are we still friends? Pretty please? ;););) (that's me batting my eyes at you)

A Study in Black and White

"Chauncy" Giant Schnauzer

10" x 14" gouache

"There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." ~ Bern Williams

"The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."  ~Samuel Butler

I had been wanting to do a painting of our dog Chauncy for a long time. I'd done a sketch of him in this pose before, but I wanted to give it a try with paint too.

This also happened to be right in the middle of my block period, and I thought that a simple study in black and white might help me get over it.

It was a quick painting, I pretty much just left each stroke where I put it the first time (which really is what I've come to want with every painting I do lately). And I'm pretty happy with the result.

Special thanks and a hearty round of applause to all you out there who sounded off with ways to help me get through the block! You are all rock stars at the height of awesomeness. :) Thank you. :) For real. :D

I took your advice and stepped back from painting for a while. My kids were on spring break last week so I took the opportunity to play and hang out with them. This included picnics at the park, staying up late and watching movies and eating too much candy (I still maintain that there is no such thing as too much candy), going to the library and coming home with loads of good books, playing lots and lots of Wii games, and also getting my fanny kicked at laser tag.

Not by my sweet boys, heavens no. But by a pack of pre teen boys.

This has led me to believe that teenage boys with laser guns are heartless little beasts.

But I digress. . . back to beating the block: I didn't notice a real change until yesterday. My two older boys were at school and my youngest had finally went down for a nap. Huzzah!!

I sat at my desk with my colored pencils out in front of me, picked them up without procrastinating, and started to work. It was wonderful! I felt that joy again, that rush of creating something, and I knew that I was one step closer to pushing that block away.

Creativity really does ebb and flo doesn't it? We just have to remind ourselves of that when we're in the middle of one of those ebb times, or be lucky enough to be reminded of it by our fellow artists who are right there with us in the trenches of Making Art and Being Creative.

:)

See you next week everyone!

My Middle Child, and Artist's Block

My Middle Child

10" x 14"

My sweet boy. My middle child.

 As different as my children are from one another they all have one thing in common, gigantically pure hearts. But of the three, this boy, has something else too. He has such a huge light inside that he's always, always willing to share with others. He has an almost infinite capacity to love and accept others, even those who are different. Sometimes drastically so.

And, he's always SO happy. Even when he's in trouble .

Which reminds me of something else that he has. An almost infinite capacity for mischief. Maybe that's to help balance out all that pure, tenderhearted sweetness.

I have to confess that during my two months away from the computer I did not do as much painting as I usually do. At first I told myself I was taking a well deserved break, that I'd get right back to painting later that night, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day.

But I didn't.

Staying away from painting slowly became a habit. One that I'm still working to break.

This painting was a struggle. And I can't really say why, it's a simple, straightforward pose, with beautiful lighting featuring one of my three favorite subjects.

*shrug*

I don't get it.

Ok, that's not entirely true. I know that it has something to do (probably a lot more than something) with my lack of painting time. My brushes started to feel like foreign objects in my hand, not the well known companions they had come to be.

 And even when I did make myself sit down and paint I found myself just sitting there. Staring off into space, cleaning my palette, organizing my brushes, anything but painting. 

It was frustrating. Still is.

When my computer crashed I was teetering on the edge of something that I'm not sure what to call. I was feeling massively burned out and exhausted with painting. It had become a chore, not a passion. And I hated that.

But lately, I'm starting to feel differently. I set the watercolors and paintbrushes aside and pulled out my colored pencils (which for some reason always seem to make me feel better). I'm working on a piece that I've set aside for months, and so far so good.

I'll let you know how it goes. Don't you be worried about me. I'm not giving up. I know this will pass because I ain't no quitter. 

Ever felt like this before? What do you to break through the block?

Mysteries Everywhere

"Far Away"

10 x 14 watercolor

(forgive me for reposting this painting, it's one of my favorites)

      Do you ever wonder why you do what you do? Do you ever wonder if the painting you created, that one you poured your whole heart into, will make anyone else feel something that's a little bit like the way you felt when you painted it?

     I do. It's actually been on my mind a lot.

     Something that I ask myself over and over again is, why do I paint? I know I talk about this a lot, just bear with me. :) Sometimes I feel like I know why I paint, other times it's nothing that I can define, just a feeling I have that compels me day after day to pick up my brush and create something.

     And. . . sometimes I almost wish I didn't feel like that.

     Because it's not easy to balance your real life, your family, and all your other obligations with this strange beast of a creature that rises up in you and demands that you paint. That beast that only purrs quietly once you've fed it it's daily ration of creativity.

     When life gets hectic, and I absolutely can't squeeze in any time to paint I feel adrift. Lost. Almost like I've forgotten who I am. I feel disquiet in the hidden corners of my heart.

     The longer I paint the more I realize that I connect my identity with my art. And I've yet to decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Because it makes any discouragement, rejection, or just plain indifference that much more difficult to bear. Because it feels like it's not just pointed at your art, but pointed at you.

     I read a blog post by Kate DiCamillo (one of my favorite writer's and the author of The Tale of Despereaux). It was the story of a little girl, Laura Ann, who saw an airplane in the sky and whooped and hollered and smacked Kate (who at the time was in the fourth grade) with her little green plastic purse in her excitement about that plane. 

     Kate looked in the sky, saw the plane, and failed to see what all the fuss was about. I think she even said, "So what?" 

     Ouch. 

     Years later, when Kate was an adult she happened to see a bald eagle flying in the sky. She stood there and marveled at that, amazed at her luck to see something so beautiful. Then another eagle joined the first. She said:

"I stood and looked and looked at them, amazed; and then I lowered my head and looked around. I thought about Laura Ann, because what I wanted to do was whack somebody on the arm with a shiny, green purse. I wanted to tell someone. I wanted somebody to marvel with me."

     I love that.  

    I guess I don't really want to wish those feelings away, that need that I have to paint. Even if it seems to make balancing my life that much harder, if not downright impossible at times.

    Because when I paint I want what Kate wanted when she saw those eagles. I want someone to marvel with me. 

     

10 things I've learned since my high school art class

      Okay folks, are you ready for this?


      Who else is gonna be brave and post some of their high school/older artwork?

    
      Hmmmm??


      I dare you.

   
     Come on, who can back down from a dare? ;)



      When I was in high school I took every art class they offered. I had special permission from my art teacher to take the AP (advanced placement, if you pass it you earn college credit while still in high school) art test my junior year, and my senior year (at the time, which was about 13 years ago, they offered a general AP test and a drawing test). I was in heaven.

      For my portfolio I had to have a theme, and a common style to my work. This is what I came up with:

    
      Lots and lots of these paintings and drawings of people. Mostly girls in prom dresses, or at the beach, or putting on makeup, or kissing their boyfriends (yes, I was a typical fashion and boy crazed teenager. I admit it.) These were all done in watercolor with pen and ink details. They were so. much. fun.

     The emphasis was always more on the design, than it was the accuracy of the figure. I whipped out these little drawings, (mostly from my imagination or some fashion magazine) then painted the washes in. This is where I began to learn how to handle watercolor.

This is a sketch of a Native American, his head is close to his horse, not his girlfriend ;)

     My art teacher always said, that abstraction and design was preferred over realism, and that it was the one sure way to make your work stand out enough to the judges to get you to pass the test. So that's what I did, as much as I could. But I never felt like I was creating artwork that really said 'me'. I was just doing what I thought the judges wanted to see.

     It's taken me a long time to finally come to terms with painting the way I want to. And now, I feel happy about that. Here are ten things I know now that I wish I could go back and tell my 16 year old self.

1. There is no ONE way to make art. If someone tells you there is, they are wrong. It's that simple.

2. If you want to paint horses and puppies, then paint them. Don't paint something just because you think other people will like it. Paint what you like, and it will appeal to others as well. Images that come from the deepest desires of your heart will always touch other people too.

3. Not everyone is going to like what you paint. That's okay. Who cares? You like it, that's what matters.

4. You can teach yourself how to paint and draw the way you want to. It's a learnable skill. Practice, practice, practice. Study, learn, repeat.

5. Believe in yourself. If you don't, no one else will either.

6. The smell of instant coffee still reminds you of Mr. Crowther (your art teacher). And he was right about doing all those contour line drawings. Suck it up, do them, and be thankful.

7. Your first realistic portrait? 'Tis not beautiful. That's okay, try, try again. Learn from it what you can, don't get discouraged, and try again.

8. Don't give up. Not even when you think you suck. Because you don't.

9.  Prayer helps. A lot.

10. Your favorite watercolor brush is still a size 6. And also a ten. :)

Bye-bye block

      Artists block: when one feels no inspiration, motivation, or desire to create. (this is the definition according to me)

      I think I have finally conquered the block! I have kicked it, stomped it, and laughed in its face. I think I may have even said something like this: "Yes, you are a smart and strong competitor, but I am also smart and strong and have a reasonable chance of defeating you."

     And, yes I do like to picture my artists block as an annoying, know-it-all-Sheldon-from-the-Big-Bang-Theory, type character.  I'm an artist, and therefore am free to have an imaginary nemesis, don't judge me :)

      Since I know that all creative people go through phases of feeling stuck, or uninspired at some point, I thought I'd share with you what I've found to be most helpful for me.

• Just keep painting. Or drawing, writing, photographing, or whatever else you do. Because eventually you will work yourself out of this slump, and you will have learned valuable insight about how you like to create. This will help you for the next time you get stuck :)
• Take a break. Yes, I know this a direct contradiction to the first one, but sometimes a break is just what we need. Do something else that you find rejuvenating or relaxing. I find I work the best when I feel refreshed and free of self-imposed burdens. Don't make painting be something you 'have' to do, make it something you 'get' to do, for fun.
• Study about the life and working habits of artists you admire. I find this to be very motivating. I love to read the success stories of others. How they overcame difficulties, their working method, what inspires them, you get the idea. Seeing the success of others is sometimes the motivating push we need to kick ourselves into gear.
• Let yourself create something, just for the sake of creating it. Let yourself make mistakes. There is a lot of freedom in allowing yourself the opportunity to create something and not worry about what anyone else will think of it, or you.

See the imperfectness of this photo? But I love it anyway, because it's fun, and it tells a story that I want to remember. And every time I look at it I can't help but smile.
• Switch media or genre. If you usually paint, then pick up your pencils. If you write fiction, try writing poetry. It's exciting to try new things, and you might find out that you are really good at writing limerick's but how would you ever have known that if you didn't try?
• Remember that you have talent, that you are capable, that you CAN do this. Believe in yourself.

   Just remember why it is you love to create. Remember what it was in the beginning that gave you this desire to add something to your already crazy life. Because it brings you peace, joy, purpose, whatever. You are creative because you need to be, it's who you are. Next time that little block comes along, kick him out, harshly and without apology. You have my permission.